Post by Calaminty Jane on Feb 19, 2014 8:31:27 GMT -5
Handling unwanted advice with Fran Griffen
February 19, 2014 · 1 comment
in Ask An Expert
Here’s a scenario we can all relate to. You’ve finished a fab ride/won a ribbon/got past the boogie man at the arena gate and you’re feeling oh so very happy. Then just as you start to cool down your horse, you hear a voice approaching you from behind the tack shed: “That was OK, but next time, you really should try XYZ…”.
While unwanted advice and horses sometimes seem to go hand-in-hand, today’s expert Fran Griffen from Hunter Natural Horsemanship Centre has some words of wisdom for dealing with the stable experts. You should totally read it. (But only if you want to.)
Anonymous from South Australia asks:
“You know the worst thing about riding horses? Other riders! I feel like the girls at my agistment centre are always judging me on what I do with my horse. Why do horse people feel the need to dish out advice all the time? I’ve got to the point where I try and find times to ride when I know nobody will be there because I can’t stand the constant criticism. I know I still have a lot to learn but how am I going to improve when nobody will just let me do my own thing. I thought equestrian sports were supposed to be fun ? So, how do I deal with the backseat riders and keep believing that my horse and I are a great team?”
Fran Griffen responds:
Hi ………… I see this happening anywhere that people gather with horses. Everyone is so passionate about their horses and what they do with their horses that sometimes they can’t help but share, even when the advice is unsolicited.
The first step to dealing with this advice is to consolidate you own belief system.
“Thoughts are an important part of your inner wisdom — and they are very powerful. A thought held long enough and repeated often enough becomes a belief. A belief then becomes your biology.” — Dr Christiane Northrup.
When we are happy with our own beliefs it would take a massive earthquake to shake us from them. When others offer advice from a different belief system, we are more likely to be able to smile and brush it off if we are strong and happy within our own beliefs. When we are totally happy in our beliefs we don’t need to defend them or push them onto others, we just live them .This doesn’t have to be a rigid state, as I learn and grow my belief systems shift.
Let’s get down to some practical solutions.
Take out a big piece of paper and at the top write “My Achievements”. Make it a BIG sheet so you can write all of your achievements down. Write anything that comes to mind, anything you have achieved in life so far. Keep this paper handy for a few days and add to it anytime you think of something , you may need more paper. Stick it up somewhere, you want to see it regularly.
I want you to think about what you have done to date, what you pride yourself on and generally get a picture of who you are.
SELF BELIEF IS A POWERFUL TOOL IN BEING HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL IN ANY FIELD.
Now, on another big sheet of paper write your horse philosophy, your beliefs about what you do with horses. THINGS THAT AN EARTHQUAKE WILL NOT SHAKE.
For instance, some of my horse beliefs are:
1. Training is dynamic, there is no right and wrong way, just effective and communicative training and not so effective and communicative training.
2. The rider’s breath and mindset will effect everything.
3. Relaxation is an important quality of training, everything starts from and comes back to relaxation.
So if I’m riding and a helpful bystander says, “you are doing that wrong because Joe Blogs does it this way”, I would thank them for the input and scan my belief system. Is it wrong? No I don’t believe in wrong. Is the new idea a useful tool for more communication? If I’m happy with my process I just keep on, if they have a valid point I will ask them about it.
What if you don’t really have a horse philosophy?
Dig deep, you will have one. You will have things you know in your heart that you support and things you know don’t feel right. Seek out information that resonates with what you already feel and add more knowledge to that philosophy.
My core philosophy hasn’t changed much over the years, but as I learn more I find more ways to strengthen that philosophy.
When you are at the agistment centre and someone offers the unsolicited advice, you can smile and keep on when your belief system is strong. Remember it would take an earthquake to shift you.
You can’t control other people, and people who offer a lot of advice are normally struggling with their own self belief and they need to defend their rides or appear to be superior, that’s their stuff. The more you stay focused on your goals the less they will come to you. You will develop an earthquake strong aura about you.
Also remember that all interactions are valuable because they teach us something. Not all the advice will be negative, sometimes you pick up pieces of gold amongst the horse manure.
Finally, focus on what you want. Go to your riding sessions thinking about all the great things you want with your horse, don’t give a thought to what anyone else might think (we know that’s not working for you) and especially don’t dread mixing with other horse people. Just smile and keep on.
Fran Griffen has been an equestrian coach for almost 30 years. She started in the sport of eventing as a young rider and became a coach in 1984. Over the years, Fran has been interested in dressage, jumping and natural horsemanship, but it has been her work in the field of communication and confidence with horses that has been the most profound for her students. You can organise long distance coaching with Fran, or pick up a copy of her book “Communication and Confidence with Horses” from her website at www.hunternaturalhorsemanship.com.
February 19, 2014 · 1 comment
in Ask An Expert
Here’s a scenario we can all relate to. You’ve finished a fab ride/won a ribbon/got past the boogie man at the arena gate and you’re feeling oh so very happy. Then just as you start to cool down your horse, you hear a voice approaching you from behind the tack shed: “That was OK, but next time, you really should try XYZ…”.
While unwanted advice and horses sometimes seem to go hand-in-hand, today’s expert Fran Griffen from Hunter Natural Horsemanship Centre has some words of wisdom for dealing with the stable experts. You should totally read it. (But only if you want to.)
Anonymous from South Australia asks:
“You know the worst thing about riding horses? Other riders! I feel like the girls at my agistment centre are always judging me on what I do with my horse. Why do horse people feel the need to dish out advice all the time? I’ve got to the point where I try and find times to ride when I know nobody will be there because I can’t stand the constant criticism. I know I still have a lot to learn but how am I going to improve when nobody will just let me do my own thing. I thought equestrian sports were supposed to be fun ? So, how do I deal with the backseat riders and keep believing that my horse and I are a great team?”
Fran Griffen responds:
Hi ………… I see this happening anywhere that people gather with horses. Everyone is so passionate about their horses and what they do with their horses that sometimes they can’t help but share, even when the advice is unsolicited.
The first step to dealing with this advice is to consolidate you own belief system.
“Thoughts are an important part of your inner wisdom — and they are very powerful. A thought held long enough and repeated often enough becomes a belief. A belief then becomes your biology.” — Dr Christiane Northrup.
When we are happy with our own beliefs it would take a massive earthquake to shake us from them. When others offer advice from a different belief system, we are more likely to be able to smile and brush it off if we are strong and happy within our own beliefs. When we are totally happy in our beliefs we don’t need to defend them or push them onto others, we just live them .This doesn’t have to be a rigid state, as I learn and grow my belief systems shift.
Let’s get down to some practical solutions.
Take out a big piece of paper and at the top write “My Achievements”. Make it a BIG sheet so you can write all of your achievements down. Write anything that comes to mind, anything you have achieved in life so far. Keep this paper handy for a few days and add to it anytime you think of something , you may need more paper. Stick it up somewhere, you want to see it regularly.
I want you to think about what you have done to date, what you pride yourself on and generally get a picture of who you are.
SELF BELIEF IS A POWERFUL TOOL IN BEING HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL IN ANY FIELD.
Now, on another big sheet of paper write your horse philosophy, your beliefs about what you do with horses. THINGS THAT AN EARTHQUAKE WILL NOT SHAKE.
For instance, some of my horse beliefs are:
1. Training is dynamic, there is no right and wrong way, just effective and communicative training and not so effective and communicative training.
2. The rider’s breath and mindset will effect everything.
3. Relaxation is an important quality of training, everything starts from and comes back to relaxation.
So if I’m riding and a helpful bystander says, “you are doing that wrong because Joe Blogs does it this way”, I would thank them for the input and scan my belief system. Is it wrong? No I don’t believe in wrong. Is the new idea a useful tool for more communication? If I’m happy with my process I just keep on, if they have a valid point I will ask them about it.
What if you don’t really have a horse philosophy?
Dig deep, you will have one. You will have things you know in your heart that you support and things you know don’t feel right. Seek out information that resonates with what you already feel and add more knowledge to that philosophy.
My core philosophy hasn’t changed much over the years, but as I learn more I find more ways to strengthen that philosophy.
When you are at the agistment centre and someone offers the unsolicited advice, you can smile and keep on when your belief system is strong. Remember it would take an earthquake to shift you.
You can’t control other people, and people who offer a lot of advice are normally struggling with their own self belief and they need to defend their rides or appear to be superior, that’s their stuff. The more you stay focused on your goals the less they will come to you. You will develop an earthquake strong aura about you.
Also remember that all interactions are valuable because they teach us something. Not all the advice will be negative, sometimes you pick up pieces of gold amongst the horse manure.
Finally, focus on what you want. Go to your riding sessions thinking about all the great things you want with your horse, don’t give a thought to what anyone else might think (we know that’s not working for you) and especially don’t dread mixing with other horse people. Just smile and keep on.
Fran Griffen has been an equestrian coach for almost 30 years. She started in the sport of eventing as a young rider and became a coach in 1984. Over the years, Fran has been interested in dressage, jumping and natural horsemanship, but it has been her work in the field of communication and confidence with horses that has been the most profound for her students. You can organise long distance coaching with Fran, or pick up a copy of her book “Communication and Confidence with Horses” from her website at www.hunternaturalhorsemanship.com.